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Editor:  “the Know” Young Adult Newsletter West Side Christian Church

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Go Together Like a Horse and Carriage?
Kara Hood

Recently Elizabeth Wenzel and I went around to different ABF classes to conduct a survey on love and marriage. In a recent discussion on marriage that we had, we acknowledged that there are a lot of different views about marriage out in the world today. That’s not a hard realization to come to. You pretty much just have to turn on the TV to see that every marriage is different and people’s opinions on what makes a successful marriage are different. As Christians we realize that there is a distinct difference between the concepts of love and marriage that the world holds and the union between a man and a woman that God intended for humanity. But we also recognize that humans are imperfect, fallible beings. That being acknowledged we wanted to see if age and life experience within a Christian setting didn’t also impact our conceptions of love and marriage. We’re still sifting through surveys and research to come up with a conclusion to that question (which may be answered with a “we don’t know”). This month I wanted to take a moment to introduce you to some of the things that we’ve been pondering. I don’t want to hold one opinion as higher than another or claim right verses wrong. I simply want to give you some thoughts to chew on. If you’re single, like Elizabeth and I are, I think it’s a great way to start preparing for marriage. Knowing the realities of what God says and the twisted reality presented by the world help in EVERY area of your life! And if you’re already married, take the time to rejoice that God does have a better plan for you in your marriage!General thoughts of love and marriage as viewed by the world:• Philip Kennicott of the Washington Post claims that our fascination with, and scorn of, Anna Nicole Smith (and her recent death) stem from what the culture’s “acceptable” marriage looks like. (excerpts are taken from “The Fantasy of Happily Ever After” which appeared in the Washington Post on February 9, 2007)
- In the post-feminist age, there has been some gradual reemergence of ideas about love and marriage that are not based on equality or sameness between the sexes. Women are different than men, the argument goes. They look for security and safety, while men look for sexual novelty and opportunity. Men, as Newt Gingrich once said in his famous “giraffe hunting” explanation of biological difference, “are basically little piglets.” Marriage, the thinking goes in some conservative quarters, is about combining the little piglets with the other half of the equation, the women who naturally seek shelter in a hostile world. These alliances are essential for the propagation of the species, the perpetuation of the family. Loveless marriages are a fact of life, but not nearly so dangerous as divorces born of selfishness. Yet the woman who is hard-nosed in her pursuit of the biggest little piglet she can find becomes an object of scorn.
• It is quite often noted that little girls who fantasy play of being a princess looking for the handsome prince are disillusioning themselves to the realities of real love and marriage. Kennicott says this can be just as detrimental of a mentality for men:
- For centuries, there have been men who have wondered why women really love them. That the real sexual allure of men may not be their good looks, their masculinity or their charm, but rather their power and position, can make men wonder whether they are loved for themselves or for something external and unrelated. When marriages don’t look like they look in storybooks — love matches between princes and princesses — intimacy is shadowed with doubt.
• Watch one episode of “Sex and the City” and you can see that sexuality is not generally viewed as inseparably interconnected with love and marriage.• There seem to be a couple of prominent views of marriage:
- A marriage built on blinding love between the “princesses” who have found their “princes” and live “happily ever after.”
- Marriages built as subtle “transactions.” It’s a mentality of “what will this partner do for me?” The “Trophy Wife” and the “Rich Husband” are two stereo-types that fall into this category.
Again, I am simply presenting ideas to ponder. Yes, I have opinions on them, but I’m not writing this to share them. Go out and find someone to discuss this with! And let me suggest a couple of things to keep in mind: How does God’s plan for love and marriage differ from the world’s view? Do Christians have trouble giving up the views of the world in order to embrace God’s plan? Do you see ways that people compromise? Do they take the best parts of God’s plan and try to put it with the best parts of how the world sees love and marriage (you can’t tell me that you haven’t spent at least ONE SECOND of your life imagining being the princess or the knight in shinning armor!)? Does that work?

And if you have thoughts you’d like to share with me (and maybe with the community in a later edition?), feel free to email me! (And stay tuned next month to see more information regarding the survey and some thoughts to ponder about God’s views!)  

  A Tale of Two Seasons By Kara Hood It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way–in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. -Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities, Chapter 1, paragraph 1

These opening lines of Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities are probably among the most well known opening lines of any novel ever written. They are also lines to which I have always been drawn. His use of contrasting images to create a whole picture has always fascinated me. I must admit that when I was a young girl first reading over those words they confused me. I had yet to grasp the subtle truths that can be observed by oxymoron or the inherent qualities of life that exist in the juxtaposition of antonyms and antitheses. But even before I could fully understand the nuances of these lines I appreciated the beauty created by the comparisons: Light always appears brightest at the moment of complete Darkness, Hope gains its greatest victory only in the throes of Despair, and Belief has no greater champion that he who was first overcome by Incredulity.

Now something else I must admit: you’re probably thinking, “okay, where is she going with this? Is this a book review? What is this?” Well, let me tell you: this is an article about small groups. “What the Dickens does A Tale of Two Cities have to do with small groups?” you might ask. Well, while I’m not trying to draw a comparison between the story and small groups, I can appreciate the clarity juxtaposing divergent images can have in understanding the polarities of humanity. And while I may not live in a war-torn time or place, and the contrasts of my seasons may not be as dramatic or all-encompassing as Dickens’ poetic lines, I hope you will allow me to expound for a few moments on how small groups can help YOU both appreciate and simplify the complexity of human desires.

Fall is one of my favorite seasons. When I was younger I didn’t like summer much. I lived in the country, and as a child was not really an outdoorsy person. So summer meant a time away from people, cooped up in a house with only my siblings for company. Fall meant change… a change of location, a change of companionship, a change of weather. I liked that. But recently I’ve really begun to appreciate summer. No longer is it filled with endless boredom. Now summer brings with it a more relaxed pace to life. It brings sunshine and fun outings. I’m learning to revel in nature more and I find myself loving to spend time out of doors, which you can’t so easily do in winter. Fall now brings with it a quicker pace, more commitments, less time for myself and spontaneous social gatherings. Activities take planning and my evenings fill up early in the season. During the summer my calendar is a convenience. Once fall hits, it’s a necessity.

And in realizing that I’ve had a turnabout in my views of these two seasons, I realize that it is this busy-ness that douses the joy I have in fall. I am also aware that I need to find a balance between the two. I’m sorry to say that I cannot give any sage advise on that process as of yet, since I am still attempting to tread that water, but I CAN tell you what I’ve concluded I cannot live without. And how contrasting human desires can complement rather than hinder each other.

It has recently become apparent to me that small groups are yet another way the fine distinction of antithetical desires have manifested themselves in my life. My small group was the last thing to which I committed myself this fall. I continued to put off making a decision as I watched my calendar fill with other events, whether obligatory or by choice. I thought “hey, I can live without a small group. I have other people in my life. If I have to give something up, that’s what it will be.” And after a summer away from the other ladies in my small group and a summer of a less harried schedule, it’s easier to lean on those thoughts. The desire I have for a slower pace screams at me to not participate. My new-found desire to have some time to myself reacts against anything that ends in “group.”

And yet I remain human. Deep-rooted within me is the desire for community, the desire to know others and to be known by them, the desire to have a support network and to be a support network. As I’ve mentioned, it is only in the recent past that I’ve truly began to covet alone time. And the fact that I can now value my time away from others is a direct result of being secure enough in my relationships that I don’t have to be with other people every waking moment. And it is through small groups that I began developing the healthy relationships that have allowed me, for the first time, to feel this security within relationships. So how could I possibly give that up?

And so you see the competing desires pulling me from one side to the other in my decision to participate in a small group. My polarities are not set up as dramatically as Dickens’, nor do not have the apparently inherent qualities of good vs. bad as his do. Desiring alone time and desiring group time are both good desires, even though the contrast seems complex. The opposing ideas that govern the way I view my life fall more within the gray areas than on black or white. However, it is my appreciation that good is only good when compared to bad that allows me to fully appreciate all parts of my life. And the reason I cannot possibly give up small groups. It is only through groups that I’ve learned to appreciate being alone. And it is only through finally valuing alone time that I have fully realized the joy of groups. Thus, the complexities are simplified. Both must exist together for either one to be fully appreciated.

If you’ve heard nothing else from me, hear this: small groups WILL change your life…if you let them. You may not respond in the same manner as I have. You may not have an epiphany that brings with it a better appreciation of the different places or situations in which you find yourself. But you will be changed. You will find people who will live life with you… whether in the best of times, or the worst of times, in wisdom or in foolishness, in belief or incredulity, in light or dark, in hope or despair.  

The Joys of Community

Kara Hood

 In a church the size of West Side, you can easily attend church services every Sunday and never make a real connection with a single human being.  I know. I’ve done it. I’m still learning many things about God and His plan for the Church. But, one thing I do know is this: God wants more than the mediocrity of “Sunday-morning” religion.  He wants more than a building full of individuals doing church on their own. He longs for us to develop a real and long-lasting passion for the Church. And, we can never do that by watching on the sidelines. 
 
Community has been the theme of the Gathering messages this spring. While, I’m not an expert, I would like to share some misconceptions I have had in the past about community and the joy I’ve found in allowing my view to be redirected and redefined.
 
Misconception #1: 
Spirituality and religion are about your own personal relationship with God. Therefore, relationships with other Christians are not a necessary part of following Christ.
 
Misconception #2: 
The Church is a means through which my needs can be met. The community should reach out to me and cater to my needs.
 
Misconception #3: 
Community should include everyone. So, if I don’t get along with someone in the community, I should give up on the community as a whole.
 
Misconception #4:
Community involves close relationships with EVERYONE.
 
Through involvement with Small Groups atWest SideI’ve been able to reexamine these misconceptions about community. By taking off the selfish lenses of my individualism and focusing on the picture of the Church God presents to us in the Bible, I have started redefining community in my life. I have been able to unlock some of the joy God intends us ALL to be able to find within the Church when it works the way He envisions it.
 
Joy-conception #1: 

We were created to need others and to need the Church.
The first mention of man in the story of creation indicates that we were created WITHIN community (Genesis1:26). Soon after this, God realizes Adam will never be content with only God’s companionship or as the only human being on earth. From the beginning, things have been “good” only within the context of both human community and community with God. (Genesis 2:18-25).
 
 
Joy-conception #2:  

The Church is a means through which I can utilize the special gifts and abilities God has given me to build up and strengthen the Body of Christ. Would you really be happy with a Church that only catered to your needs? What kind of ownership would you be able to have? To have a real passion for the Church, we have to be a PART of the Church. We have to dig in, get our feet dirty, and admit that we have as much responsibility as everyone else for developing community and connection within the Church. 
 
Joy-conception #3: 

Community SHOULD include everyone, so conflict should be dealt with in healthy and productive ways. When conflict can be resolved, it should be done quickly and quietly. Due to our sinful nature, conflict is inevitable, even within the best communities. The individual should defer to the overarching needs of the community. Sometimes, this means agreeing to disagree and moving on. 
 
Joy-conception #4: 

Even Jesus had a small group within his larger group of followers. It is impossible to live in close community with everyone within the Church. Conceptually, we know this when we look at the Church world-wide or even consider a church of thousands, likeWest Side. But it is still impossible in a community like our 100+ young adult ministry. Even Jesus didn’t try to live in close community with 100+ people. He had his close circles: His 12 disciples, the three (Peter, James and John), and even down to his closest friend (John). If Jesus couldn’t live closely with more than twelve, how can we expect that of ourselves or the other members of our community?
 
That’s what I love about small groups. They make community more manageable and help us follow Christ’s example more closely. It is in small groups that people can really know others and be known, where people can meet others needs and have their needs met, where people can be open and honest about their sin and struggles, and rejoice with others in the grace and blessings God bestows upon us. A small group is the place where individuals can come to give themselves up fully to the beauty of community.
 
There is still a lot for me to learn about community within the Church. I’m still ignorant in a lot of ways about His perfect plan for The Church, but I can say this: Community within the Body of Christ is one of the greatest blessings God has given me. And, it’s not just for me, but for EVERY ONE.
 
 
On April Friday, April 21st and Saturday April 22nd, West Side Christian Church will be hosting a Small Groups Conference. It’s open to ALL people interested in learning how to make small groups the best they can be. If you’re not involved with a small group, why not come check out what all the buzz is about and find out how you can get involved in these transformational groups. A group of Young Adults will be attending the Friday night worship service together and sitting down front. Already a member of a small group? Great! The conference would be a great opportunity for existing small groups to attend together. You can simultaneously build community while learning how to make the most of every opportunity your small group can offer.
Developing a real passion for the church requires that we take an
active role in the community of the church. For more insight into
developing a deep, long lasting passion for God’s church check out
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001243.cfm

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