Lunch Time Ponderings

My Lunch Time journaling

So, with the new job I’m not at home as often, thus not on the internet as often… so here are my unedited journal excerpts from the last couple of days… feel free to comment or not as you want…

Monday, 2/27
Yeah, that week went by much faster than I thought it was going to. ….I need to get March 21st off- Chele and the kids are going to be in town! I can’t believ how long it’s been since I last saw them! 4 1/2 years! I won’t be able to recognize Brian and Meghan (I sure wonder if they’ll be able to recognize me).

Had fun with S and B last night. P joined us for awhile. Showed us fun pics of his new neice… what’s her name? I can’t remember right now, but the middle name is Kathrine. P calls her Katie Bug, which is absolutely adorable.

Eddie started his “I would do anything for love” series on Sunday (like the jump in subjects? Quite closely related in my head… and maybe for reasons you wouldn’t naturally assume). Couple of points distressed me a bit… if you can’t reign in your passions-then get married… yeah, that’s as easily done as said… whatever… he also made a comment about your spouse being the person with whom you will have the deepest human connection… ever… I long for deep, human connection… what if I never get married… what does that imply… and what if I do? what does that imply as well… And then there was the whol list of things you should look for in a spouse if you know you’re on the side of “needs to get married”… yeah… totally broadens the small field there… right… whatever… hear my sarcasm?… and finally… “get your problems fixed before you find a spouse idea, b/c a spouse isn’t going to fix them… well, I don’t expect a spouse to fix any problems… but does God not present you with opportunities… or potential spouses… until you get your crap together… cause that would suck…

Tuesday, February 28th

Today is Mardi Gras… Jason blogged the other day about the season of lent… I haven’t given anything up for lent in years… since BEFORE I was a Christian… Bethany accused me of going Liturgical on her the other day and the truth of the matter is that I feel a bit stagnant right now… and the liturgic rituals tend to make me feel as if I’m more connected… There’s something terribly beautiful and sacred about some of them… I have the Jr. High girls by myself tomorrow, or I would tak off to go to an Ash Wednesday service (EDIT: GOING TO ONE AT NOON)…

You now what I’ve been thinking lately? Is this it… Is this IT? Is this all there is to life? I’m really liking my new job, really I am… in general I think it’s going really well adn it’s going to be fun… but I look around at the other people there and think-man-is this what I’m going to be? 50 years old adn still here doing the same thing every day? here in Central Illinois?

I feel very anxious when I start really thinking about it. I’ve chosen apathy these past few weeks about my job situation, or my life purpose. But it’s been a defense mechanism. If I really thought about it, the discontented little knot in my stomach would swell into the swarm of bees that resided there on Sunday… And I would cry without being able to pinpoint why…

And I’m so afraid I would give in to the feeling, to the stinging… the feeling that is suggesting I leave my comfortable monotony, my comfortable family and friends, my comfort in general… that mybe that something great for me, the something great I pray to find, isn’t here but rather out there somewhere. And that thought scares the bejeezes out of me.

So I rest in the unaxious apathy of my current life situations. I put on the face of wanting guidance and direction, but I think that’s a facade. Because I’m so afraid that the response to those prayers would require too much faith…

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NEW quiz site…

oh, oh… I’m going to start another blog just for my quizes… yep yep… I’m excited

HASH(0x85a0cbc)
You are a Lily:

You are graceful, gentle, calm, and pure and

perhaps a little shy (though your shyness is

part of your charm). You are a very honorable

person who always wants to do the right

thing. Your calm attitude has a soothing

effect on others.

Symbolism: The lily has long been used as a symbol

of majesty, honor, chastity, and purity of

heart.

Which Flower are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

From Johnna and Tracey’s Influence

A- Available: Yup… anyone wanna set me up?
A – Age: 25
A – Annoyance: not being able to line up head and heart

B – Best Friends: yeah, not answering this question…
B – Bar: the uneven… when are the next summer olympics?
B – Birthday: Oct 2

C – Crush: wouldn’t you like to know?
C – Car: Georgia Peach- 2001 Silver Chevy Cavalier
C- Cat(s): nope, allergic

D – Dead Pets Name: Emily (the pink fish… she and her husband Fred (the blue fish) died within a day of each other)
D – Dads Name: Kyle Patrick
D – Dog: General George Washington McLintock, but he’s really my mom’s

E – Easiest Person To Talk To: Betania (weird as it may seem) or Elizabeth
E – Eggs: deviled
E – Email: my main connection point? That’s sad

F – Favorite Color: purple
F – Food: AVANTI’S
F – Foreign slang: d’accord (okay in French)

G – Gummy Bears or Worms: down with gummy food!!!!! blech!! (jo’s answer but my sentiments agree)
G – God: two thumbs up
G – Good Time: quality time with friends and helping friends out when they’re stressed

H – Hair Color: brown
H – Height: 5’7???
H – Happy: generally

I – Ice Cream: ben and jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie or B & J half baked
I – Instrument: TINY bit of piano… I can pick out a tune if you give me enough time
I – Idol: depends…

J – Jewelery: ring always… I like jewlery though so it depends on the day
J – Job: jury’s out
J – Joke: your face :0) j/k I have NO idea

K – Kids: yes one day
K – Karate: nope
K – Kung Fu: nope again

L – Longest Car Ride: Florida or Virgina Beach
L – Longest Relationship: lets see… no idea… Ricco was on an off all college, so probably him
L – Love: Jesus, friends, family, chocolate

M – Milk Flavor: chocolate
M – Mothers Name: Carla Jean ( C. J. )
M – Movie Last Watched: Sweet Home Alabama

N – Number of Siblings: 2 sisters, 1 brother in law, 1 brother and um an almost sister in law
N – Northern or Southern: City???
N – Name: My name? favorite name??? ambiguous question

O – One Wish: security
O – One Phobia: not being able to move
O – Otter Pop: huh????

P – Parents, are they married or divorced: divorced
P – Part of your appearance you like best: legs
P – Part of your personality you like best: optimism

Q – Quote: β€œLearn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.”- Eliabeth Kubler-Ross
Q – Question for the next person: Jo’s question is “what did you do today that made a difference?” Um nothing as of yet… my question “what’s one thing you wish the people closest to you knew about you?”
Q – Quick or Slow?: yes

R – Reason to smile: Vacation week
R – Reality TV Show: Idol: when I get the chance to watch it…
R – Right or Left: Right

S – Song Last Heard: I’m with you- Avril Lavigne
S – Season: fall
S – Sex: again ambiguous question: Paper answer: Female

T – Time you woke up: um… 11:45 am?? sorry
T – Time Now: 2:58 pm
T – Time for bed: way too late, I’m sure

U – Unknown Fact about me: sometimes I sleep with my arm up in the air
U – Unicorns: first instinct: Freaky
U – U are: a paradox

V – Vegetable you hate: peas!
V – Vegetable you love: corn and green beans
V – View on Politics: undecided

W- Worst Habits: insecurity
W- Where are you going to travel next: somewhere fun I hope… CITY…
W- Watchful: not enough

X – X-Rays: one unless you count sonograms as an x-ray
X – X-Rated Porn: well, i’ve never starred in any…(LOL LOVE T’s answer keeping it)- me too
X – X-tra special someone: this question sucks

Y – Year you were born: 1980
Y – Year it is now: 2006
Y – Yellow: What the heck???

Z – Zoo Animal: monkeys
Z – Zodiac: libra
Z – Zoolander: weird

I both LOVE and HATE surprise things

So tonight I got a late Valentine’s Day present… From someone… Who? I DON’T KNOW!!!!! Usually this type of thing doesn’t bother me… but tonight… I WANT TO KNOW!!! Sorry about yelling… I promise I’m not so frustrated anymore… It was super sweet and I’m not sure anyone’s ever knocked on my door and ran before, so… I feel extremely loved… which the card says I should, but just so you know… IF YOU REALLY LOVED ME WOULD YOU DRIVE ME NUTS LIKE THIS??? Okay, done for real now… it had a beautiful picture and a quote from Isaiah “I’d never forget you- never. Look, I’ve written your name on the backs of my hands” and a box of candy and a card CLEARLY written by someone NOT using his/her dominant hand… I really love it…

so… if you happen to be someone who checks my blog and it was you, or you know who it was… Thank you… I do indeed feel very loved…

Thoughts from Today’s sermons

So I listened to several sermons today… two by John Ortberg, one by Nancy Beach and 2 1/2 by Rob Bell…

The two by Ortberg and the one by Beach were all on pretty similar topics… makes me wonder if the person who loaned them to me wanted ME to hear the message or if it’s something that she likes because SHE needed to hear it, but there you go… They were all very good… I liked the first Ortberg one the best… it was entitled something along the lines of “It all goes back in the box” and it set up the theme of the day really well… the other one by him furthered the topic and Nancy Beach totally did as well…

The 2 1/2 I listened to Rob Bell were on The Flames of Heaven… they weren’t his best… but still thought provoking… you get the ramblings of my notes now….

John Ortberg- It all goes Back in the Box

  • He retells the parable in Luke 12 in modern terms— the man works himself to death and many people say how great a man he was but the angel walks through the graveyard and points out the word fool on his gravestone… b/c he planned for everything in his life but negelected to plan for the most inevitable fact of human life: Death…
  • he was too busy making a living to make a life
  • one of Ortberg’s mentors told him that hurry is the great enemy of spiritual lfe today… in order to make spirituality work today you had to “ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life”
  • you cannot love, listen to a child, live like Jesus … in a hurry
  • Jesus was often busy– but never in a hurry
  • hurried is a condition of the soul
  • busy is an outside condition
  • we are under the misconception that someday more will be ENOUGH… but it never is
  • talks about learned contentment- Paul in Jail
  • learn to play the game— monoploy analogy
  • played Monopoly with Grandmother who knew that the point of the game was ruthless acquisition… and one summer he learned how to play… and beat her… and she taught him an even more valuable lesson: “Now it all goes back in the box”
  • Even after winning… because none of it was really yours- players come and players go, but in the end it all goes back in the box
  • The game always ends for every player
  • So the final question is this: What really matters? What’s worth giving your life to?

John Ortberg: Building a Substantial Life

What keeps us from having full lives in Christ? Business What the evil one could do through violence, persecution, etc. he has accomplished with business? Begs the question: Who’s God in my life? What does our LIFE say? Why do we struggle with time? Because we have to tear down hidden idols… Using Old Testement Examples he uses a chart to discribe the things we need to look at… What’s really important Daily, Weekly, Monthly, and Yearly… and then asks us to get really practical about making us look to fill in our charts… and calendars… with important things… not fluff…

What Ortberg says

Daily- Give God the BEST part of your day, pray, meditate on his word, thank God

Weekly- The Sabbath, Hebrews 10:25: Cooprate worship and teaching, small group

Monthly- ideas: manybe extended time with God, serving, with seekers

Annually- travel

Stuff for my life

Daily – when is my BEST time? journal, pray before meals

Weekly- church, small group, REAL, GOOD time with those important to me (Bethany, Sarah, Bethany)

Monthly- longer alone times with God, REAL GOOD time with my family

Annually- travel, retreat travel, refresh time

So there you go on that… we’ll see how well I can keep with that… I hope I’m better at it than I have been with stuff like this in the past… I’ve noticed when noone keeps me directly accountable I can tend to do it for a while and then forget all about it… as with all areas of my life… but then accountability is a WHOLE nother topic for a later time… we’ll see… on to Nancy

Nancy Beach: There’s an Elephant… in the Kitchen

Talked about how the kitchen should be the connnecting point for families and yet everyone’s schedule keeps them too busy… challenges to down size… hum… theme for the day maybe πŸ™‚ She has fun illustration… Still have a few minutes to go on that one… I was listening when school got out and the kids were too loud… so moved on to the Pod

Rob Bell: end of Sexy on the Inside

fun quote by his wife; Sexy is when it feels good to be in the skin you’re in. WOW!!

Rob Bell: Flames of Heaven Parts 1, 2 and 1/2 of 3

If Heaven were to crash into Earth tomorrow- Would that be a good thing for you?

Can you be happy- Would it be Heaven for you

  • If you have a hard heart
  • if you’re withholding forgiveness
  • if you’re stingy
  • if you’re biggoted?

We should all be living the life of heaven here and now… lots of scripture I need to go back and reread- Rev 22:5, 1 Cor 4, Luke 12 (haven’t we seen this already today… I need to analyze this theme… since college I’ve noticed God speak in themes… repeating the same thing over and over like “Duh Kara, haven’t you gotten it yet… let me show you again”… Melissa gave me Ortberg and Beach but I picked out the Bell on Betania’s iPod… and the same themes are running… what the heck…. need to analyze this a bit more…) Issiah 6… when Judgement is talked about in the New Testement it is talked about with such words as purity, truth, life… More scripture: Mathew 25: The Parable of the Talents, 1 Cor 12:4, 1 Cor 3: Fire not about destruction: about refinement (definately a theme recently)

Part II… more scripture: Rev 5, Psalm 117, Is. 2 and 12, Col. 1- Eunuch with Phillip- Leviticus says he’s unclean so he can’t be Baptised– so he’s basically asking what keeps me from being “in” in the Jesus Movement…

Like I said eralier… not as good, in my opinion, as other stuff I like by him… but there you go… I’ll finish the third one tomorrow… πŸ™‚

Sexuality

How do you like that for a Title? I welcome discussion πŸ™‚

It occurs to me upon talking with some friends that I wish I had more profound things to say on this blog… I wish I thought more about more stuff… maybe tomorrow… I had a lot of time I could have used to think today… and I just didn’t… it has occurred to me however that I no longer use punctuation… rather I use the elipses… so there you go…

I think tomorrow while I’m at the church I might listen to a couple of sermons rather than just having music on… I listen to one by Rob Bell today (I actually have 10 minutes of it left, but there you go). It was titled Sexy on the Inside, so I expected it to be about sex… which it was… in a way… it was actually about sexuality… and very thought provoking I must add… he used a quote from some guy who called Mother Theresa the most erotic woman he knew of… interesting… and it worked, wasn’t like totally out there… so… there you go… (it occurs to me that sometimes my natural train of thought goes towards the “valley girl” talk… see last line)… very refreshing to hear a sermon not talking mainly about where physical sex is appropriate and inappropriate… the main focus was on how small the physical act is compared to our sexuality as a whole and how single people, widowed people, people not currently having an outlet for the physical act can still be highly sexual beings… redefining sexuality… I like redefining things… it makes me think… and I’ve rediscovered recently that I do like to ponder things πŸ™‚ Will have to find other things to ponder tomorrow…

Rereading Mark right now… hope to have fun ponderings to post about that… it’s very fast paced… I feel a bit anxious reading it… not sure I realized that the first time I read through it… there you go…

until later

random thoughts

Went through an old journal tonight… good for me in a lot of ways… not so good in others…

Point to ponder for the general public at the moment however…. As per past posts this week… not a huge issue for me… but still a little bit of one…

In a past journal entry I made note of how beautiful my friends’ wedding was (Marc and Heidi)… and how much emphasis they put on being within God’s plan and how well things worked out, blah, blah, blah… My journal comment: Something along the lines of: If that’s God’s perfect plan for us, why don’t we all have it?

Though it’s not a major issue in my life right now, I can’t help but feel a little left behind… as I discuss with my roommate tonight that I’m not going to be able to live here come August (Duh! She thought we had to spell that out?!?) I realize, I’m quickly becoming part of the minority… not only do I not have a wedding in the near future… I don’t see one in the FAR future… I haven’t even dated in oh, let’s see… 5 years… what the heck… and I know that this had been an issue in B.B.’s life recently, but seriously… I’m going to be 26 this year…. I feel a little left behind… everyone seems to be pairing off… and at my lowest moments… that makes me very sad… at my high moments… it makes me happy mixed with a little sad… which is not so bad… but… I don’t know… there you have that… random midnight thoughts… why does God plan different things at different times for different people… why can’t we all be happy… find love???

yeah… I’m shallow…