dreams

Lost in dreams
Awake or asleep
Oh, that it were all the same
Goals and ambitions
Flights of Fancy
For Dream-filled days
And Dreamless sleep
I would consider digging
Into the depths of nightmares
The restlessness of night
And complacency of day
The loss of living
The loss of life
What is it to live
And what is it to die
To willingly die
Or to have life
Ripped away
What is missed
By dreaming at night
And sleepwalking through day
And is it worth
Walking through the nightmares
To find?

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chill time

I had the chance to hang out with my roommate and her fiance last night (we invited the other roommate and fiance, but they were feeling less than social)… it was a lot of fun… we watched REALLY BAD movies (Sarah no longer gets to pick) and worked on wedding invitations…. and had breakfast for dinner! I love that 🙂

Today’s Post brought to you by the Letter “F”

So this is something from Tracey’s Livejournal… I’ll post hers first, so you get the idea… I commented and rec’vd the Letter F 🙂

This is how it works: Comment on this entry and get a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter, including an explanation what the word means to you and why. I got “L”.
1. language. twofold meaning. first, i’m a grammar nazi. second, at one time (a couple years ago), i could speak 3 languages fairly fluently- french, italian, and english.
2. lou. as in ‘the lou’ or st. louis. my favorite place to be. it’s just big enough to feel urban, but small enough that i’m comfortable going anywhere. also, it’s my mother’s middle name.
3. literature. reading is life. as long as it’s not nora roberts or any serial writer like that, i’ll try anything.
4. labret. i’m a big fan of piercing. and this just happens to be the hottest piercing ever for guys. EVER.
5. license. as in, in roughly 10 months, i will be a licensed massage therapist. :)6. louisville. where my josh, my favorite boy in the world, lives. *wuvmiss*
7. lateralus. tool’s best album, in my opinion. absolute musicality. i listen to this cd constantly. it is my zen cd.
8. la cenerentola. one of the two cinderella operas i focused on in my second semester music history paper with dr. ho. rarely have i ever been more proud. i translated both operas from their original language (one french, the other italian) rather than using the translated libretti so i didn’t lose anything in translation. this was also my one and only all-nighter in college. i literally had no time to write the paper until right before it was due.
9. la traviata, la boheme, and le nozze di figaro. my 3 favorite operas. need i say more?
10. lesabre. my car. otherwise known as nana. she is a grandma car and i got her from my grandma. she is also nearly bald…she only has about half the paint remaining on her roof. still, she barrels on. nana is a tank. she’s been involved in two fender benders (neither of which was my fault, i wasn’t even driving for one) and has come out with nothing but scratches. do not cross her. she will take you down.

Okay, so mine is “F”

Hum…

1. Friend… that’s what my name means… according to most sources… and that’s one of the most important things to me… friendship and being a friend… (also the most awesome sitcome EVER-Friends, that is)

2. Freedom… something I usually find in oxymoronic ways… also a pretty fun instrumental piece by Michael W. Smith…

3. Faithfulness… a quality trait that I value very highly

4. Future… something about which I am uncertain and about which I worry too much…

5. fortuitous… another word for Random… one of my favorite words

6. Friday… my favorite day of the week

7. felicity… happiness is… “They say happiness Is a thing you can’t see… A thing you can’t touch… I disagree…They say happiness is…The folly of fools…Pity for me…One of the fools…Happiness is a clear sky…Give me wings…And let me fly…Let me fly..For, happiness..Is whatever you want it…To be”

8. flibbertigibbet- (a silly, flighty, or overly talkative person)… I’m most always silly, often flighty, but rarely overly talkative… Maria is all, though 🙂

9. Frequent Flier Miles… something I wish I had so that I could travel more 😦

10. feeble… my attempt at coming up with fun “F” words

She’s the BOMB!

And I mean that in the worst possible way! She’s the Man was AWFUL… definately up in the top 5 list of horrible movies (though, Spear I have seen worse… let me think… Closer is the first one that pops to mind)… DO NOT SEE IT!

But I do feel awful about poor josh, who disliked it so much he left our group to join the “date” group… 😦

On a better note, it was the drive in, so it was fun in general… and I did like Failure to Launch… it wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst movie in the world either… and Anna and Morgan joined us for that one, so that was good… Matthew M. is just plain cute… but then again so is Bradley Cooper (google him, he’s cute) 🙂

night

reflection of the day

Yep… still crabby… but it’s both a little better and a little worse…

a little better… I really, really, really enjoyed my evening… great message… great people… (and i’ve missed people this week… it’s been a weird week)… fun food… great people (did I mention that already)?

a little worse… though not completely inauthentic, I did work really hard to NOT be crabby with people and really make good use of my relationship time tonight… which, when you’re crabby, can be a bit exhausting, and make you more crabby when you get to be alone again… especially when you’re alone quite a bit sooner than you anticipated… so I got to a point where I was a bit spiteful, hating, braty crabby… but then I got over it… just back to normal crabby… maybe I’ll sleep better tonight than last night… that’d help…

(i do love the elipse…)

on a different note… though you can’t tell it now ( i look tired and and my hair is droopy) I think I was kinda cute today… i was wearing one of the new outfits Jo got for me… my hair was curly… and i liked it… and at least 3 boys commented on it… and i know that’s not suppossed to be important… and it’s not like it’s EVERYTHING… and i appreciate affirmation from my girlfriends as well, don’t get me wrong… but i don’t know a single girl (or married for that matter… female is the only requirement) who won’t tell you it’s nice to get a compliment from a guy, taken or not… i wish more guys would realize that… it’s nice having NICE guy friends… in college I kinda went for the “bad boy” type… they never complimented ANYTHING… too cool for that… and being as the majority of the men I hang out with these days are Christian guys, you might want to assume that it would be a little bit better than that… but it’s not always… so I appreciate the ones who are… and the fact that I can trust it’s authentic…

so, there you go… That’s just about all I have to say about that.

P.S. Had a conversation with a friend tonight about not putting too much of yourself out in blog world… thing is though, i might not share my deepest, darkest things (at least on THIS blog), I think I’m pretty authentic and transparent… I don’t think I hold back that much… I often lament not having “intellectual” or “contemplative” things to post like some of my friends do… but I’m not sure that’d be me… at least not in this venue… this is kinda me putting myself out there… you know… so…

P.P.S.

upon rereading what I wrote about the foot washing project…

yup… it could be that it’s late and I’m just tired… but this is really okay right now 🙂 I’m not done, but I like what I have started and I can picture it better in my head… and I like where it’s headed… again… it could be I’m tired and I just want to let it be what it’s going to be… but for what it is going to be I do like the set up…

I think it’s my overcrabbiness today that had me posting this in the first place… I think I sound “dramatically” more stressed than I ACTUALLY am… whereas I don’t want to be fake and say I wasn’t stressed out a little I think I went a little “drama queen” here 🙂

but I still hate insecurity… security helps keep the drama queen at bay… she comes out way too often anymore and I really hate her…i would have people call me out when i’m being her, but i know me… i’d get MORE dramatic and mad about that… dang it all

I really do hate her

yup… NOW that’s just about all I have to say about that

Ham and Cheese Croissan’wich

yeah… I could be addicted…

so, i really do not have a lot of faith in my abilities to do certain things… such as plan a foot washing center and make it aesthetically pleasing… I worked on a couple of paintings last night for each center… that is not where my talents and abilites lie… I’m trying to go abstract (that’s definately better than something concrete, though concrete was what was in my head)… right now all I have are some cloths (in pastel colors which is NOT what I wanted, but, as it’s spring, I couldn’t find anything else w/o paying an arm and a leg), two pretty basin bowls (though they’re not as big as I’d like, so I ‘d like some pitchers to have water to refill, but those are hard to find without costing a lot as well) and these two pictures… I still have not idea how I’m going to set the room up, or divide the two sections… or anything like that… I’m hoping that’s going to come with actually seeing it, not just in my head…

Reading Betania’s blog last night made me realize it’s indeed more self-centeredness that makes me uncertain of my qualifications or abilities to do this… but I also don’t want to stress M. out any more than she already is… and I want this to be a meaningful and attractive thing for people… and I’m just not sure how to get it there….

I hate insecurity.