Various aspects of creation tend to blow me away at different times in my life. It amazes me how intricately designed various things are. Take me, for instance. I’m a 5″7′ being made up mainly of water and carbon… but the parts that aren’t water and carbon are so important in the overall make-up. And beyond the chemical composition of my being, I have the ability to think, grow, feel, CHANGE. The things that make me the unique person I am go beyond the script written in my double-helixes. The choices I make, the thoughts I think, the fact that I can learn and adapt and evolve, all of these aspects of life are so amazing to me. I mean, we can make “artificial intelligence.” We can pre-program machines to “think” and to “react” and even to grow and adapt. But they will always lack the complex system that makes ME me. The ability to weigh in feelings, to give in to my sometimes overwhelming stubbornness, or to react with compassion even though that might not be the wisest decision all around. It’s really quite a thought.
I started this all to say that it amazes me the way the whole process works. And to keep that process going, certain things are needed. Oxygen for our lungs and bloodstream; water and food for our energy levels; protection from the elements for our oft-time too fragile shells; adequate sleep and exercise for the refueling of our bodies; love for the feeling of purpose; hope for the continuation of life.
And it’s amazing to me when you are lacking some of the basic basics, that the more evolved basics are hard to accept, even if they’re present. Take for example, my frustrating need to sleep ALL THE TIME! Whether it’s psychological or physical, my body FEELS like it needs to sleep. Almost every hour of every day. And when I’m not sleeping, I’m tired. Really tired. It makes me quite irritable. And irrational. I’d rather sleep than eat… I don’t get the right amount of nutrients or exercise that I need. And I irrationally feel I lack love or hope, which is SOOOO not the case. But if I let myself, I can really spiral downwards… into points where I don’t even want to TRY to get out of bed.
And it just goes to strengthen my idea that there is something wrong with me. Not that I IN TOTALLITY am messed up (which is a new thing for me to realize) but that there is something wrong, and it needs fixed.
I just wish we could figure out what it is and get it fixed.
I’m becoming very frustrated. And frustrated Kara is not a pretty sight.