What I Expected?

I found out yesterday that I was formally offered a position with the Federal Deposit Insurance Company (FDIC).  I, of course, accepted, being as a currently have no job and cannot live on Worker’s Compensation forever (seeing as I expect to get these fingers fixed gosh darn it…).

A Government job with government pay and benefits… I don’t think that’s really what I ever really expected.  However, I’m excited.  It seems like it will be quite a challenge.  There is a lot of travel involved and I don’t know what that will look like in a couple of years when I’m ready to start thinking about kids, however, I think it will be a good thing right now.  I can get out of debt and even save up for a house and retirement if I budget carefully.  I’m hopeful that the challenging environment and the job in general will be enough to keep me interested and dedicated enough to spend so much time away from home.  I’ve kind of gotten used to being around more and seeing Donnie every day…

It also throws school off a little, the whole “lots of traveling thing.”  When I started classes I didn’t even remember I had applied for this job in November… so 2 actual on-campus classes is going to be… interesting.  We’ll see how it goes… hmmmm…

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Dungeons and Dragons and other such things

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One new thing that I’ve been able to discover by dating Donn is the world of table-top role playing games. We’ve been playing White Wolf’s Changeling: the Lost from their World of Darkness Series for awhile now. The subtitle is “a game of beautiful madness” and it is definately a horror based role-playing game. But it’s fun. It’s been very enjoyable to step into the life of someone touched by magic and the “unseen world” for a few hours every other Saturday.
I grew up in a small town and we didn’t really have that group of kids who were D&Ders. Everything I knew about the stereotypes came from television, etc.
And it just was never something I got into in college either. I never knew anyone who played and the stereotype of a bunch of guys out of touch with reality who live in thier mother’s basements had tainted my view even if I would have known them…
But I guess we’ll try anything when we’re getting to know someone in a dating sense and I’m really glad I started up on this one because I’ve really gotten to know some amazingly fun people and I’ve really come into my own in role playing, which is weird because I’m usually not so open about acting or performing in front of others. Of course Loopy and I fight every time because I refuse to let him rule the world, but… 🙂
We’re going to start a game of forth edition D&D. I’m working on catching up on the basic concepts of D&D. It’s a new edition that everyone is learning, but I’m a bit behind on the basics of play and the different types of characters you can be, etc.
But the books are very well written and actually fun to read, so it’s been very fun.

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Impotency

How’s that for an eye-catching title?

I’m watching Life on Mars with Donnie and a soldier who is suffering from PTSD as well as having lost the use of both legs makes a rather poignient statement. The chief of police goes to tell this young man that his father (a police officer friend of the police-chief) has been killed. At the end of the conversation, after listening to the young man’s frustrations, the police-chief says “I’m sorry.” The young man responds: “Don’t be. I’ve heard that so many times it’s lost its meaning.”

I’ve been really struggling with one of my classes this semester: Novel and Psychoanalysis. In this class we have to view literature through the lense of the psychoanalysis Jacques Lacan. Lacan’s psychoanalytic topology is so anti my world-view that I’ve really be having trouble understanding what he’s saying because it seems so… un-understandable.

But one thing he does believe that I can see is that words leave us impotent because we can never fully say what we want. “All communication is mis-communication,” in Lacan’s view and it’s easy to see how. The mental image I see when you say “car” and the car that you see are different. This leads to inherent misunderstanding in communication.

“I’m sorry.” Bad things happen and we’re impotent to fully express our empathy; our sorrow; the sense that we all have, Christian or not, that something is wrong in this world, we weren’t MADE to be this way, to have these bad things happen, that we’re aliens in this world, created for something MORE.