Life Catch Up

I’ve been a little hesitant to post lately.  There are a lot of things that have been going on in my life for the last year or so and there are a lot of people in my life who haven’t agreed with my decisions.  I feel very alone a lot of the time and I get sad about that.  But I don’t regret any decisions and I’m not bitter about anything that’s happened.  Last year or so in a nutshell:

Summer 2008:  Johnna in an out of hospitals.  Feeling very unsettled.  “Summer boy” who was basically an escape from my real life.

August 2008:  Summer Boy went back to London.  Johnna past her surgery and in the second round of chemo treatments… feeling completely overwhelmed.  Donn and I went on our first date

September-November 2008:  Johnna finishing up Chemo.  Money very tight… Kara only person working in the family… Donnie and I become official… circumstances made it necessary to step down as a leader a church

December 2008:  Fall down stairs at work and no longer have a job

January-March 2009:  Working on fixing my hand; unable to work for most of this time; Donnie gets his own place and I start spending most of my time with him.  Start master’s degree for Secondary Education

April 2009:  Get a job with FDIC; Donnie and I start talking about getting a place together when his lease is up in June

May 2009:  Reach a plateau with my hand; traveling a lot with my job; friends ask me to reconsider living with Donnie

June-July 2009: consider options with my hand; go off ALL medications; move in with Donnie; don’t really talk to any of my friends any more as I didn’t make a choice they agree with

August 2009:  decided to pursue surgery for my hand; figured out that going off the meds has made me gain about 25lbs… working on solution for that… decided to start trying to have a baby…


I’m not sure where I am in all aspects of my life.  I know that I’m working on it.  Donnie and I are communicating well.  God and I are communicating on the big things.  I’m still dealing with trust issues on the little things.  I’m loving my job and I can actually picture my future, which is a first for me.  I can picture myself in this job for the long-term.  I can picture my kids and my family and I can picture Donn and I growing old together.  And I’m not freaked out at all by any of it.  I’m not shying away from responsibility.  I’m not using sleep to escape.  Even though I have days/nights were I feel alone and miss friends, I’m not dibilitated by the feelings, nor do I feel overwhelmed by the sadness… I’m simply accepting that I can control my choices, not anyone elses.  And that I have to make my choices for me.  Not for anyone else.  I feel like I’m finally beginning to run my own life instead of just doing what is expected of me or towing the party line.  And that feels amazing.


One response to “Life Catch Up

  1. This is something I could have written as the sentiments are exactly the same. My best to you as you travel this journey. Be brave when you travel.

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