Additionally, my therapist gave me an assignment to try to think of as many positive or good things in my day as possible every day to help counter all of the sucky life things going on right now.
So, I’m going to try to blog daily until the end of November using the following template:
My faith: Had some good discussions with coworkers on facebook tonight regarding the phrase “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” After good discussions with another friend earlier this week regarding how that Christianism isn’t found anywhere in the Bible and how it’s contradictory to other things in the Bible (such as Paul’s life) and after thinking of it I realized it’s also contradictory to other beliefs I have. For example, the statement would seem to indicate that God is culpable when bad things happen… after all if He doesn’t give you more than you can handle then he must give you the things he thinks you can handle, including the bad things. I don’t believe this. I believe that God allows things to happen, that consequences happen and that God is constant, so he can’t (well he CAN he just WON’T) just make it so a person who falls out a window isn’t affected by gravity… I also believe that he can redeem all situations and make all things new, therefore bad things can be used for good and used for His purposes.
And it was extremely important to remember that God is ALWAYS for me, even when life seems against me.
My work: I’m going back to work on Monday. And I have to take my test on the 16th… I’m worried that I won’t be able to get my compliance hat back on by then. But my therapist today helped me stop being so emotional about the test (I have to pass, I have to keep my job because my family is relying on me, etc…) and reframe my thinking about the test (I know the structure, I have had excellent training, I know the material (mostly), etc.) It was helpful. I will be glad to get into a daily routine.
My life: We got the PET results from the hospital and reviewed them today. We see the oncologist on Monday morning and will see the specialist at Barnes either end of next week or the beginning of the following week. But what we do know is the cancer is back… and it has metastasized outside of the lung… 3 small lesions in the lung, one large lesion next to the lining of the heart, one medium lesion in the lining of the lung and one medium lesion in her pectoral muscle (which didn’t show up on CT so was a surprise)… all indicative of metastatic tumors…and possible lymph node involvement, which is also not positive… She also has a large pleural effusion (fluid in the lining of the lung) which is what’s causing her difficulty breathing… cancer sucks…
My Gratitude Journal:
- Had a good night with Johnna and Mom tonight.
- We got our new reclining loveseat today.
- My livingroom is clean.
- They should be able to biopsy a lesion that is not in Johnna’s lung, which SHOULD be less painful and trying for her.
- Donn is baking me cookies… right now… as I type this. I love him…