It’s in the water

So many people I know are currently pregnant or just had a baby.  SO. Many. 

When you understand that 18%-25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, I guess it’s understandable that not all of them would make it… and I guess since my risk was higher anyway, I’m glad it was me, who was a bit more prepared with the statistics, than someone else.  Most women don’t know that the risk of miscarriage is so high… not generally in all the “congratualations” and paperwork, you know?

Some days I laugh and find joy in seeing babies (because I see them everywhere, even more than the past two months and I’ve been pretty obsessed as is)… Most days though, they make me burst into tears.  (note to ob/gyn offices… you shouldn’t leave a woman who just miscarried sitting in a wating room with happily pregnant women and babies all over for very long… might make them start hyperventaling… or maybe just me).

I hope I can find the joy more often than not soon.  I haven’t seen Ciera or Talor since this all started.  And I want to be joyful when my girlfriends have their babes in the next couple of months.   I’m working on it.

I am having more good moments than bad recently, which I find hopeful.  I’m still having problems understanding why the bean got to have that little heartbeat for just the few weeks though.  Why give it a heartbeat at all?  Why not just let it have been when the first miscarriage scare came around instead of getting my hopes up all over again?  I just don’t understand.

In other news, today is my dad’s 50th birthday.  I’m getting old.