I’m starting late for NaBloPoMo… but I’m going to try to finish it out…
Today I’m just going to mention that my niece can make me smile and laugh no matter how bad of a day I’ve had. And hopefully I’ll have a new little one very soon. Chassidy’s due date was today… and because of all the complications with Ciera’s birth she goes in tomorrow morning to get her appointment ot induce…
You’re probably going to find a ton more posts inspired by this site. Since I’ve recently found it, I’m going through the archives. This week’s prompt talks about interviews.
Last year my sister found out she had a very aggressive form of stage III cancer: synovial sarcoma. By the time they accurrately diagnosed the tumor in her right thigh it was large and deep seeded. In order to save her leg they would need to do as much chemo and radiation PRE-Surgery as they would post surgery. The location of the tumor combined with heavy duty meds necessary to kill the abomination growing in her made it necessary to have a full time care-giver, so neither she nor my mother were able to work for most of 2008 and 2009. Because of this it was necessary to have a benefit to try to raise money for simple support such as paying their rent, electricity, transportation to and from doctors appointments and the hospital, food, etc. While prepping for the benefit we were lucky enough to get some publicity from a local journalist who specializes in human interest pieces.
What I had thought would be a piece on the strength and hope of my sister and mother ended up being more a piece on the freakish tendancy I have to experience “sympathy pains” whenever my sister (who is also my twin) experiences anything intense or traumatic. It was quite an interesting interview on a phenomenon I’ve had all my life.
I guess the point of the Sunday Scribblings is to write about the topic and all I’ve really done is give some background and lots of links, but I’m not really sure what more I can say, so, follow the links… there’s lots of writing there (and most of it is mine).
I’ve been reading some great blogs lately and it has got me thinking about why people blog and, more specifically, why I do so.
And you know what, it’s not that hard for me to answer that. I started blogging because it’s always been easier for me to express myself through writing than through speaking. I remember times in actual relationships where what I’ve had to say has been so hard I’ve written it out and made the other person read it rather than speaking. I’m not so avoidant that I wouldn’t discuss it with them afterwards, but I’ve always been so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to fully express in spoken words.
SO I began blogging as a way of reaching out; of helping the people around me really understand what was going on with me and my cry for help. It worked. Friends encouraged me to finally examine my inner life and get help for the deep depressive state I was in on both a physical and emotional level. They were amazing friends and it was in that time when I learned what I thought was true and absolute friendship. They loved me enough to not stand by and watch me spiral into unhealthy places. I had never had relationships in my life like that. I didn’t think that I would ever be able to survive without those friendships.
And in that time of my life I pretty much don’t think I could have. But I was able to dig out of that hole, much with their help.
And those friends have never changed. They still refuse to stand by and watch as I make, what they consider, unhealthy choices. Unfortunatly, the definition of “unhealthy” is much more subjective now. Before, it was easy for everyone to be on the same page that spending days in bed and contemplating suicide were “unhealthy.” Now it’s my choice of a boyfriend and the choices I’m making for our personal love life. They, of course, feel there’s no subjectivity to “God’s Law.” Unfortunately, I’m not nearly as secure as they are knowing God’s absolute will, hince the subjectivity.
When Donn and I moved in together, I was forced to sever those ties. Everytime we would hang out it would inevitably come around to their “disappointment” (in the form of them being the people who’ve only ever loved me and love me more than anything and they can’t stand to see me living so far from God) in me and me bawling until 3:00 am. My subjective opinion is that THAT was unhealthy.
But for the last four years, they were my life. They were my community, they were my support, they were my everything. When life in my family was shitty, they were there. When life at my job(s) was shitty, they were there. They were constant. I guess that relationships are just like anything else in life. The real test of the strength comes in the bad times, the hard times, the times when there’s not agreement on both sides. And I also guess there are just those issues that are unresolvable. It had gotten to the point where I had nothing to talk to them about because I didn’t want to bring up Donn (the boy) and he is so much a part of my present and my future that I didn’t really have anything to talk about that doesn’t involve him.
I’m finding it hard to make new friends. It took me years after moving home from college to make THESE friends and that’s when I had tons of time to cultivate relationships. Now I’m gone more than half the time and it’s all I can do to maintain the relationships I have with my family and Donn.
But I get so desperately lonely sometimes. Saturday nights (like tonight) are especially hard. His friends come over and play games all night. His friends are great, really, but I’m just not in to RPGs. I tried one and I guess if we ever finish that one I’ll keep playing it, but I’m just not the D and D type of person. Where does a 29 year old woman meet other women if not church? I don’t have kids yet, so I’m not meeting or hanging out with moms… I’m at a loss…
As a result, I chose to step back from blogging for awhile. If it was simply acting as my conduit to ”cry for help” then it was unnecessary.
Anyway, back to the point. What’s the point of blogging, What’s MY point of blogging? I guess I still use it, as all writting, as the most effective way to process my thoughts and feelings. But now, less as a cry for help from others and more in a “know thyself” kind of way. So if you’re lurking here and bored to tears, I appologize. Maybe one day this might become a place where I expound on the problems of the world, but right now my world isn’t cohesive enough for me to have many opinions beyond my own front door.
About all I’ve had much time to do recently is read and watch TV/movies. I had surgery on my hand on September 21st… We’ve been fighting scar tissue formation and I’ve still been on heavy narcotics for pain control. Doing hand exercises every hour keeps my hand in a constant state of, at minimum, uncomfortableness 
So, I’ve figured that gives me time to catch up on reading and movie watching.
Today, I read Gone by Michael Grant. I can’t wait to read the next one. It’s an interesting look at human nature before adult morality sets in. Everyone age 15 and over disappears and it’s up to those 14 and younger to look after themselves and those too young to look after themselves. Of course there’s some mystical mutations going on, but the whole way leadership forms and develops, what happens when you throw in kids with bullying allready being developed in them… it was a great book…
And now I’m watching “Away We Go” with John Krasinski (msp?). It’s a very interesting look at parenthood. You have just about every messed-up parents you could probably imagine… and it’s been an interesting look at trying to get pregnant and start a family in your 30’s rather than earlier in life… It can be slightly offensive, and I’m only half way through it, but if you can get past the language and crazy parents, I’d recommend it…
I’ve been a little hesitant to post lately. There are a lot of things that have been going on in my life for the last year or so and there are a lot of people in my life who haven’t agreed with my decisions. I feel very alone a lot of the time and I get sad about that. But I don’t regret any decisions and I’m not bitter about anything that’s happened. Last year or so in a nutshell:
Summer 2008: Johnna in an out of hospitals. Feeling very unsettled. “Summer boy” who was basically an escape from my real life.
August 2008: Summer Boy went back to London. Johnna past her surgery and in the second round of chemo treatments… feeling completely overwhelmed. Donn and I went on our first date
September-November 2008: Johnna finishing up Chemo. Money very tight… Kara only person working in the family… Donnie and I become official… circumstances made it necessary to step down as a leader a church
December 2008: Fall down stairs at work and no longer have a job
January-March 2009: Working on fixing my hand; unable to work for most of this time; Donnie gets his own place and I start spending most of my time with him. Start master’s degree for Secondary Education
April 2009: Get a job with FDIC; Donnie and I start talking about getting a place together when his lease is up in June
May 2009: Reach a plateau with my hand; traveling a lot with my job; friends ask me to reconsider living with Donnie
June-July 2009: consider options with my hand; go off ALL medications; move in with Donnie; don’t really talk to any of my friends any more as I didn’t make a choice they agree with
August 2009: decided to pursue surgery for my hand; figured out that going off the meds has made me gain about 25lbs… working on solution for that… decided to start trying to have a baby…
I’m not sure where I am in all aspects of my life. I know that I’m working on it. Donnie and I are communicating well. God and I are communicating on the big things. I’m still dealing with trust issues on the little things. I’m loving my job and I can actually picture my future, which is a first for me. I can picture myself in this job for the long-term. I can picture my kids and my family and I can picture Donn and I growing old together. And I’m not freaked out at all by any of it. I’m not shying away from responsibility. I’m not using sleep to escape. Even though I have days/nights were I feel alone and miss friends, I’m not dibilitated by the feelings, nor do I feel overwhelmed by the sadness… I’m simply accepting that I can control my choices, not anyone elses. And that I have to make my choices for me. Not for anyone else. I feel like I’m finally beginning to run my own life instead of just doing what is expected of me or towing the party line. And that feels amazing.
Secret Life is back on the air!!! I love this show. It’s corny with not so great acting, however the issues are real. I love that. Tonight Adrienne does her absolute best to keep Grace from having sex for the first time and told her mom and her dad (who is married to someone else) to move in together. I love that everyone is messed up and struggling with the same things. Grace, the uber-Christian, who “feels” like having sex and can try to jutify herself… I love how frank the conversations are…
and I feel kind of like a schlump that I’m having the same kind of issues, but the thing I really like about it is the adults have the same issues… they’re a little different, however just as real and frank…
I really like it 
June 8th: Industry/Macomb
June 9th: Industry/Macomb
June 10th: Industry/Springfield
June 11th: Springfield/Springfield
June 12th: Springfield/St. Louis Karen’s Party
June 13th: St. Louis/Home for Weekend
June 14th: Home for Weekend
June 15th: Minier/Lincoln
June 16th: Minier/Lincoln
June 17th: Minier/Lincoln
June 18th: Minier/Lincoln
June 19th: Minier/Springfield
June 20th: Home for Weekend/Relay for Life
June 21st: Relay for Life/Springfield
June 22nd: Minier/Lincoln
June 23rd: Minier/Lincoln
June 24th: Minier/Lincoln
June 25th: Minier/Springfield
June 26th: Springfield/Move Weekend
June 27th: Move Weekend
June 28th: Move Weekend
June 29th
June 30th
A wise woman once told me that to hate change was to hate life. I always remember that when life is changing and I’m having a hard time adjusting to that. It’s a bit different with a job where I’m gone a lot from home. And its a bit different making decisions that don’t always line up with what other people in your life expect of you, especially when they’re people you really love and respect. As I write that I realize that it would make sense just to take their advice… lol… yeah, we don’t really always do what makes sense, do we? I respect so much that they have such conviction and strength of character to be who they are and stand strong to their beliefs. I wish…. I was going to say I wish I were that strong, but really, I just wish I had that firm of a foundation of belief. I think that’s where I’m falling short… it’s easy to change points of view or make decisions that seem contrary to a point of view when the foundation’s not that strong.
I don’t know. I love Jesus. I really do, but I do have trouble trusting some times… most times…
So, I’m loving this new job. But it’s got a totally crazy schedule. I had every intention of blogging about cool things going on as I travel, but I can’t talk about my job and I’m wiped by the end of the day, so I either do more work or sleep when I get back to the hotel room.
So I’m going to start with just updating my itinerary
April 13-April 19
Monday: Bloomington (overnight)
Tuesday: Bloomington (overnight)
Wednesday: Bloomington (overnight)
Thursday: Bloomington (overnight)
Friday: Bloomington (home for weekend)
Saturday-Sunday: Home
April 20th-April 26:
Monday: Bloomington (overnight)
Tuesday: Bloomington (home: evening)
Wednesday: Mt. Zion (overnight)
Thursday: Mt. Zion (overnight)
Friday: Mt. Zion (home for the weekend)
Saturday-Sunday: Home
April 27-May 3
Monday: Mt. Zion (home in evening)
Tuesday: Travel to Chicago and telework from Chicago
Wednesday: Chicago
Thursday: Chicago and Travel home
Friday: Springfield Field Office
Saturday-Sunday: Home
May 4-May 10
Monday: Anchor (Bloomington overnight)
Tuesday: Anchor (Bloomington overnight)
Wednesday: Anchor (Bloomington overnight)
Thursday: Princeton (overnight)
Friday: Princeton
Saturday-Sunday: Home for weekend
It’s interesting starting a new job at this point in my life. Generally I get really nervous about learning new things and doing new things, especially when there are such high expectations as they’ve indicated they have for me. Talk about intimidating! But after almost a week and a half, I’m still really confident about this descision. I know what I’m doing, I really do. I was in the field the first time today and fully sure on what to do or where to find the information if I didn’t.
If I look back on it I can’t tell you “That. That’s when I became an adult.” But I do know something for certain. And adult, I am. And I’m confident and secure in that.
I found out yesterday that I was formally offered a position with the Federal Deposit Insurance Company (FDIC). I, of course, accepted, being as a currently have no job and cannot live on Worker’s Compensation forever (seeing as I expect to get these fingers fixed gosh darn it…).
A Government job with government pay and benefits… I don’t think that’s really what I ever really expected. However, I’m excited. It seems like it will be quite a challenge. There is a lot of challenge involved and I don’t know what that will look like in a couple of years when I’m ready to start thinking about kids, however, I think it will be a good thing right now. I can get out of debt and even save up for a house and retirement if I budget carefully. I’m hopeful that the challenging environment and the job in general will be enough to keep me interested and dedicated enough to spend so much time away from home. I’ve kind of gotten used to being around more and seeing Donnie every day…
It also throws school off a little, the whole “lots of traveling thing.” When I started classes I didn’t even remember I had applied for this job in November… so 2 actual on-campus classes is going to be… interesting. We’ll see how it goes… hmmmm…
Cover
One new thing that I’ve been able to discover by dating Donn is the world of table-top role playing games. We’ve been playing White Wolf’s Changeling: the Lost from their World of Darkness Series for awhile now. The subtitle is “a game of beautiful madness” and it is definately a horror based role-playing game. But it’s fun. It’s been very enjoyable to step into the life of someone touched by magic and the “unseen world” for a few hours every other Saturday.
I grew up in a small town and we didn’t really have that group of kids who were D&Ders. Everything I knew about the stereotypes came from television, etc.
And it just was never something I got into in college either. I never knew anyone who played and the stereotype of a bunch of guys out of touch with reality who live in thier mother’s basements had tainted my view even if I would have known them…
But I guess we’ll try anything when we’re getting to know someone in a dating sense and I’m really glad I started up on this one because I’ve really gotten to know some amazingly fun people and I’ve really come into my own in role playing, which is weird because I’m usually not so open about acting or performing in front of others. Of course Loopy and I fight every time because I refuse to let him rule the world, but…
We’re going to start a game of forth edition D&D. I’m working on catching up on the basic concepts of D&D. It’s a new edition that everyone is learning, but I’m a bit behind on the basics of play and the different types of characters you can be, etc.
But the books are very well written and actually fun to read, so it’s been very fun.
How’s that for an eye-catching title?
I’m watching Life on Mars with Donnie and a soldier who is suffering from PTSD as well as having lost the use of both legs makes a rather poignient statement. The chief of police goes to tell this young man that his father (a police officer friend of the police-chief) has been killed. At the end of the conversation, after listening to the young man’s frustrations, the police-chief says “I’m sorry.” The young man responds: “Don’t be. I’ve heard that so many times it’s lost its meaning.”
I’ve been really struggling with one of my classes this semester: Novel and Psychoanalysis. In this class we have to view literature through the lense of the psychoanalysis Jacques Lacan. Lacan’s psychoanalytic topology is so anti my world-view that I’ve really be having trouble understanding what he’s saying because it seems so… un-understandable.
But one thing he does believe that I can see is that words leave us impotent because we can never fully say what we want. “All communication is mis-communication,” in Lacan’s view and it’s easy to see how. The mental image I see when you say “car” and the car that you see are different. This leads to inherent misunderstanding in communication.
“I’m sorry.” Bad things happen and we’re impotent to fully express our empathy; our sorrow; the sense that we all have, Christian or not, that something is wrong in this world, we weren’t MADE to be this way, to have these bad things happen, that we’re aliens in this world, created for something MORE.
abc family is currently having a “cinderella sunday” and they’re showing “a cinderella story” and “another cinderella story.” it makes on wonder about the longevity of such a story. i mean, really, how many stories follow the same plot line? so many cultures have an original cinderella type story. the oldest known version dates back to 1st century BC greco-egyptian girl rhodopis, though many claim even she had her roots with the 6th author aesop. since then she’s appeared as a fish-befriending servant in both chinese and philippian stories, had several variations in Scheherazade’s arabian nights, and appeared in stories in japan, korea and several european countries. the fairy-godmother, pumpkin, etc that we so love today evolved from the french tale, an adaptation of the earliest european example coming out of italy.
so this means the story has been being reborn over and over for 22-27 centuries. they say that there ARE no original stories left, that all stories are just retellings, combinations, adaptations, etc. but with the cinderella story there is no masking. cinderella stories are clearly cinderella stories. from books to movies to songs to about every culturally artistic medium, the general story of an oppressed girl making the most of her situation and making good in the end has survived cultural barriers and generational barriers to become one of the most well-known story archetypes of all times.
so what is it that makes this story so appealing? even in a culture and time when young girls are cautioned about the dangers of believing in fairy tales and the impossibilities of prince charmings and “happy ever after”, the general themes behind the story remain attractive to just about anyone with a heartbeat.
i have a confession. i can be a rather cynical person sometimes. case and point? I can be pretty snarky about the plethora of “christian” self-help books available (though not as much as some are). one of the common themes in a lot of women’s topics is the idea that we’re all princesses, daughters of a king, and waiting for our true prince in the form of Jesus.
i wonder if one of the reasons that we cling to the promises of cinderella’s story, though, isn’t our internal need to feel like we do belong to something great, that we are destined for something great, and somehow this… this life… that we’re in now is just a waiting period. a time when we’re slaves to our bodies and the distractions of this world. but that leads to emptiness and dispare because it’s not who we were created to be. and we can have our “ball moments” of happiness, where life seems to go our way and we’re the “belle of the ball” but the glass slipper will always fall and we’ll always be waiting for our next ball until we’ve finally reached the presence of our father and our prince.
but one of the characteristics that i love about a lot of the cinderella stories is cinderella’s overall demeanor and the fact that the character always seems to have a few down-and-out true blue friends to rely upon during the best and worst of times.
which, i think, says a lot about how we should be as we’re going through this life we weren’t made for. to have such a obedient servant’s nature and to cling to community as the support to get through the day; to be the oppressed, but never the depressed one in the story; to be the strong character, not the complainer; to remain optimistic when surrounded by pessimistic people, especially those who complain when they’re the ones who have the least to complain about.
maybe, it’s not such a bad thing to encourage children to emulate such an attitude: perseverance in oppression; remaining positive in negative situations; and finding joy and hope in seemingly hopeless situations? I don’t think cinderella is really the negative role model women’s lib. has tried to create her to be.
and i can definitely see why the story has had such staying power for so long.
My friend Chris did a year end review that I liked, so ht to him
(probably going to take much longer for me to type mine, however, as I still only have 2 usable fingers (and a thumb) on one hand… going for an MRI in an hour…)
- What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
-hmmm… rode in an ambulance - Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- nope… don’t really do them… I figure if I want to change something, why wait for only once a year - Did anyone close to you give birth?
- Lots of people in the last few months: Jessie and Eddie, LeVeque’s, Miller’s, - Did anyone close to you die?
-for once this year, no - What countries did you visit?
- none - What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
- a job i love - What date(s) from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- August 15th… johnna’s surgery; August 26th… 1st date w/ Donnie - What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- lol…not going insane - Did you suffer illness or injury?
- almost made it… fell down stairs at work and messed up some fingers… still waiting for tsts to determine how bad and if it’s perm. - What was the best thing you bought?
- I don’t think this counts as an actual purchase, but my new apt… I love it… - Whose behavior merited celebration?
- Johnna’s surgery going well - Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- Sometimes my own; management at ISPFCU - Where did most of your money go?
- Supporting family through johnna’s cancer - What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- donnie - What song will always remind you of 2008?
- ??? - Compared to this time last year, are you:
Wiser? - someways, yes… others, prob. not
Healthier? – someways, yes… others, prob. not
Richer? - In pretty much every way that counts, yes. being jobless, not monetarily - What do you wish you’d done more of?
- saved - What do you wish you’d done less of?
- made decisions for the short term - How did you spend Christmas?
- christmas with family and donnie - Did you fall in love in 2008?
- yes - What was your favorite blog post that you wrote?
- oh, thsat requires too much reflection - What were your favorite TV programs?
- office, lost, secret life of the american teenager, bones, prision break - Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
- Umm…I can’t think of anyone I’ve ever said I hate. - What was the best book you read?
- breaking dawn - What was your greatest musical discovery?
- i bet bethany could answer this, but I can’t… though I did fall in love with ben fold’s effington. - What did you want and get?
- my own place that I had a chance to help pick out and furnish, decorate, etc. - What did you want and not get?
- a new job - What was your favorite film of this year?
- twilight… not a great film, but i still love the story - What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I turned 28 in october. donnie and i went to a movie - Which celebrity/public figure did you like the most?
- The biggest story was certainly Obama. There is a lot to like about him. Certainly some uncertainly but I hope for great things for our first African-American president. (this was chris’ answer and i agree) - How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
- lol/// black pants and ispfcu tops… - What kept you sane?
- ew, boys - Who did you miss?
- ew - Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
- I’m still learning i think… - What did you gain this year?
- perspective - What did you lose this year?
- another roommate to marriage - Who was the best new person you met?
- donnie - Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
- yeah, takes too much thought…
right now i’m trying to type with only one and a half hands. the middle knuckle of my ring finger on my left hand won’t bend. which is terribly inconvenient for things like s’s or w’s, etc.
i go back to the doctor tomorrow, but i’m worried that there might be some perminant damage. or at least enough damage that my typing speed and abilities are quite dibilitated. there are several opportunites open at express right now, but i have to retake all the computer tests and right now, i can’t do that. i’ve neither been released to do so nor have any actual ability to do so with the left part of my hand…
and doing my dishes or cleaning? yeah, that’s not been fun either… sheesh… i really appreciate more having two good hands…
i do think, however, as long as i can work it out monetarily and logistically, that I think I’m going to go back to get my teaching certificate at UIS. I have an appointment soon to talk about it with an advisor there…
I’m excited about that idea…
I just lost the post I’d been composing for the last 30 minutes! So I guess if you’re reading this you only get the last few thoughts of my 2 am ramblings…
EW recently mentioned that she thought the core root for some recent decisions and choices I’ve been making is the fear of being alone… Johnna’s ordeal has left me feeling vulnerable, not just with her, but with every relationship I have. So I try to cling on as hard as I can to something I think can be totally mine…
most insightful thing I’ve heard in a long time…
and she’s on a different continent.
Current Favorite Song
Gotta Be Somebody- Nickelback
This time I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life
The one we all dream of
But dreams just aren’t enough
So I´ll be waiting for the real thing.
I’ll know it by the feeling.
The moment when we´re meeting
Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen
So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with
`Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere.
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Tonight out on the street out in the moonlight
And damn it this feels too right
It´s just like Déjà Vu
Me standin’ here with you
So I´ll be holdin`my breath
Could this be the end?
Is it that moment when
I find the one that I’ll spend forever with?
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
‘Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There´s gotta be somebody for me like that.
`Cause nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There`s gotta be somebody for me out there.
You can´t give up!
When you’re Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough
Because you never know when it shows up
Make sure you´re holdin` on
‘Cause it could be the one, the one you´re waiting on
‘Cause nobody wants to be the last one there.
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There’s gotta be somebody for me
Ohhhhhh.
Nobody wants to go it on their own
And everyone wants to know they´re not alone.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There `s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Nobody wants to be the last one there
And everyone wants to feel like someone cares.
Somebody else that feels the same somewhere?
There’s gotta be somebody for me out there.
Just click on the following links and you’ll have your own band, etc.
1. Band Name: Random Wikipeda Link
2. Album Title: Random quote generator (take the last four words from the first quote on the page)
3. Album Art: Flickr Interesting Photo (pick one)
So following those rules, my incredible new album is…
Easiest Person to Fool by Scottish United Presbyterian Mission
I’ve discovered I’m an all or nothing girl. You may have known this about me, I don’t know, but I did not. I’ve recently come to this realization.
I’m not sure I really like it. If I had my druthers, I think I’d rather be a “pick and choose girl.” I’d rather be able to live in the comfort of the middle, in the ambiguity of oxymoron and in the ampatheatre of “open to interpretation” where responsibilities are few, truth is fluid and based on experience, and everything works in MY timing, the way I want it to work and everything working for me and my benefit.
Pshaw… I’m a selfish one aren’t I…
And it doesn’t ACTUALLY work for me. It makes me miserable. I’m a planner, I’m a dreamer, I’m goal oriented… when I try to live in the middle, not being all in or all out… that’s really where nothing lies… “All or nothing” is a misnomer… It should really be “All in or All out…”
Because the Nothing resides in the middle…
Upon reflecting on my last few months it occurred to me that I have a lot for which to be thankful.
It was a weird holiday, actually, being the first one I’ve ever experienced with a significant other. It cause a bit of distress initially with Johnna even pulling the “I have cancer!” card, but all in all it turned out fine. Lu was sick and her kids did thanksgiving with her a different day, so the morning was spent just dad and the kids. We had lunch around noon and it was amazing.
I then went and had lunch with Donnie’s family. It was the first time the family sat down and ate a Thanksgiving meal together since their mother died. I felt great to be included. It was fun, and Donnie’s sister, Tanya, made us go around and say what we were thankful for.
Which got me to thinking: I have a lot to be thankful for~
- my health
- Johnna’s recovery
- my “new” family with Dad and Lu’s wedding
- a job
- a home
- Donnie
- friends and family who love me
Really, what more does a girl need?
